When sibling arguments escalate
Children often regard arguments with brothers and sisters as more harmless than they really are. Parents ought to keep an eye on this.
Parents should keep an eye on sibling disputes. | Photo: iStock
Sibling arguments are part and parcel of everyday life in most families. But where does the boundary lie between a harmless squabble and abuse, either psychological or physical? When does teasing become an insult, or a minor tussle turn into actual assault? A study by the social pedagogue Luisa Weissberg from the University of Zurich has now shown that children sometimes assess such situations differently from adults, depending on the circumstances in which potential violence arises. Her research used data from interviews and focus groups involving over 80 children and young people between the ages of 8 and 14. They were all drawn from a project on children’s wellbeing that was conducted in German-speaking Switzerland.
Potentially violent sibling conflict was mentioned frequently. Weissberg therefore conducted qualitative interviews with a different group of five 13-year-olds, where she presented three case studies. She herself regarded all three cases as violent, but the children didn’t always agree. Some put aggressive behaviour into perspective by placing it in a specific context. In their view, for example, it’s less serious when a young child hits an older sibling, since the younger, weaker sibling would cause less harm. They also said that it just happens sometimes that kids scream at each other and break things in a fit of anger. One boy said, “whether you argue a lot or a little depends on how old you are”.
During their discussions, however, the children also made suggestions as to how arguments might be resolved. Kids could talk to each other instead of lashing out, or they could fetch their parents, or use their parents to help them reach an agreement. Weissberg believes this proves that children in the assessment group were in fact already aware of when boundaries were being crossed. She says, “parents and carers shouldn’t underestimate conflict between siblings. They should observe it carefully to prevent it escalating into violence”. There’s good reason for caution: although there’s not been much research into the topic, sibling violence is considered the most common form of domestic violence.
